#3; Pretty Maids All in a Row

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

Greetings to the students (and staff) of Somnium Academy.

So, with the upcoming year and all of the opportunities it’s presenting, I thought I’d make you a directory of eligible people. For your convenience, I’ve split it up into sex and age group, although I can’t promise you anything about sexual preference. Although, I have tried to make educated guesses on those you may be confused about.

Female Students

Corentin Quimper—Year 10
I would watch my back around this one, though she’s kind of cute. So if you don’t mind the risk, I’d go for it. Although, she sort of seems the type to claw your eyes out.

Leyah Lanoche—Year 10
I think her name really says it all.

Cybele Renard—Year 11
Pretty cute for a mute. I hear she’s pretty nice, but I’m not sure how well you’d be able to converse. But hey, some guys are into that shit.

Odolina Elmore—Year 11
If Odolina wasn’t a bad enough name, she likes to go by “Benji.” I think this says volumes about her sexuality, so I’m going to suggest that only the ladies go for this one.

Stacee Young—Year 11
She looks a bit like a Barbie. Plastic is a great tool, I suppose. And you know what they say: Blondes have more fun. I, for one, am not sure that I believe this, but I’ve never tested the theory out. Stacee Young could be the next Britney, for all we know.

Adelaide Valor—Year 12
She’s got that pink hair thing going on, but I’m not sure this really helps the appearance. Maybe she should get a nose job. But I’m sure there are plenty of people who are willing to put up with having a giant schnoz in the way.

Artemis Heart—Year 12
She’s got a bit of a mouth, this one. Feisty. Probably perfect, for any guy who’s up to the challenge. Are you up to the challenge?

Carmen Liddell—Year 12
She might make you feel like you have A.D.D., but at least you’ll never be bored? There is some question as to her sexuality, but I believe that she is a positive for both sides. Although, I’m sure the menfolk will have a better time of it.

Frankie Clearwater—Year 12
She doesn’t really talk…to anyone. Good luck with this.

Jacklyn Farder—Year 12
Yikes.

Raine Abney—Year 12
Ha. Oh, this one’s a good one. Muddy and musical, a real winner. Probably likes girls, though. Sorry, fellas.

Crystal Dinaia—Year 13
Sweet enough, but she seems to really enjoy older men. I don’t advise anyone not yet mature try for this one, though if you think you can handle it, I’m sure she’d be an excellent catch.

Joselyn Allaway—Year 13
Fashionable, but way out of your league. Please, don’t even try.

Meredith Beckendorf—Year 13
You’ll need to go to the hospital after this one, but I suppose some men enjoy that.

Male Students

Elliot Wright—Year 10
He’s eager, I’ll give him that. And kind of cute, in that retarded puppy way. Enjoy your retarded puppy, ladies.

Niles Lewis—Year 10
Adorable. But that’s about all there seems to be to him. Enjoy loners, this school seems to breed them like lab rats.

Aries Sumpters—Year 11
Pretty. Very pretty. I’m not sure that’s what people are looking for, but I still think he’s pretty. Very gay. I’m sorry, ladies. You’ll have to find a different pretty boy.

Matt McArthur—Year 11
Kind of stupid and lazy. Probably not the best boyfriend material. I definitely suggest looking elsewhere.

River Witt—Year 11
I guess he’d be okay. If you felt like starring in his porno or something.

Aiden Clarke—Year 12
Definitely not dating material. I walked near him once and was coughing up tobacco for a week. Unless you’re up for a fuck&chuck. Because that’s all you’ll really get.

Apollo Wazed—Year 12
Sort of like Aiden, only nicer. And I’ve seen girls worry about their hair less than he does. Honestly, he’s going to pay way more attention to himself than he is to you, so I wouldn’t bother. He might also be batting for the other team, so I wouldn’t keep my fingers crossed.

Blake Andrews—Year 12
Hmm. What to say. I think any girl has a chance with this one, since he seems to fall all over everything he sees. So, if you’re seriously desperate, here’s your man. Although, I’ve heard rumors of homosexuality. I don’t know what to make of them, but if you find anything out, give a blog a hand and leave a comment.

Jack Callahan—Year 12
Do I need to say anything? Cute, charming, dashing, dumb as a rock. He doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together, but he’s certainly got the moves. Watch out.

Christian Chevalier—Year 13
He’s a bit broody and probably wouldn’t know flirting if it punched him in the face. Actually, I hear that you have a better chance with him if you do punch him in the face. I think there’s a problem with that.

Ryant Anderson—Year 13
Gay.
So, so gay.

Sebastian Quinn—Year 13
He is so vain, it kills. And his hair is far too pretty for him to be entirely straight. Girls, please, steer clear. He only loves himself.

William Saxton—Year 13
Also gay. William, you and Blake should go on a date. Ask and his info is yours.

Female Teachers

Flick Arden
I wouldn’t include her, but she apparently rakes in the admiration. How many men does she have at her feet at this point? Anyway, she’s a complete space cadet and if you think that she’ll provide stimulating conversation, then you clearly have never thought anything through in your life. But she’s cute and she probably cleans up well.

Caterina Aurora
A gem. Really. Fashionable, sophisticated. A fine fine arts teacher. So out of your league, it’s not funny.

Logan Fairfax
I have nothing to say.
She can check IP addresses.

Male Teachers

Alin Forrest
Normally, I would warn you, but as long as you don’t encourage him, he’s harmless. So don’t encourage him. He does, however, bat for both teams. So hey, any boys looking for a fun time that Blake and William can’t provide? Here’s your man.

Ehryn Homemdoces
Doesn’t he ever get tired of walking around on his cloud of testosterone? I don’t recommend trying this one out, especially once you’ve seen his absurd piercings.

Kyle Ehrlich
I’m inclined to assume that male nurses like other men, but Nurse Ehrlich seems to be fond of students, so girls, here’s an eligible bachelor. He’s quiet and calm and will probably never raise his voice.

Lawrence Grimmel
Quiet, soft, talented. Handsome, too. Way out of everyone’s league. Perhaps he, too, will want to go after the librarian.

Paris Musuko
Also quiet, but extremely intelligent. Pretty cute, too. Ladies, here is an excellent choice.

Robert Peterson
Kind of old, but cute, if you like that sort of thing. Definitely a good catch.



Well, after slaving, I do hope that this was helpful to you. If anyone’s struck your fancy, feel free to leave a comment and their contact info is yours.

Bringing you nothing but the truth,
Sandy Secret™

[Meredith Beckendorf]

[e-mail]

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Cain_Hargreaves says:

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I want Meredith Beckendorf's information. I hear she's easy. >.>

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

Certainly.

Email: [e-mail]
IM: Cain_Hargreaves.

:]
Thank you for your comment and interest, Cain_Hargreaves.

[Raine Abney]

[e-mail]

white_tiger424 says:

You have your information on Raine wrong, she likes boys. I saw her get all dreamy eyed at Blake the other day and others. But other then that you have her down to a T....you are good...

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

Thank you for your comment, white_tiger424. I'm sure it will be helpful.

And if she is interested in Blake Andrews, she might consider just saying something. He is, as we all know, desperate.

[Leyah Luna LaNoche]

[e-mail]

LadyMondegreensMandolin says:

I must ask about this Lanoche, did you say? Honestly what could be so bad?

[Cybele Renard]

comment from: TheOtherHat

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We seem to have quite the colorful mix of personalities here, do we not? Especially among the male population it seems.

My description rhymes! Yey! Thank you for the kind words Ms Secret.

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

You are so welcome, theotherhat. And thank you for yours. :]

[Blake Andrews]

[e-mail] writes:

Am not!
-Blake

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

Of course not.

Why don't you sign up to get a blind date? It'll keep you from having to choose between all of your prospective women.

[Blake Andrews]

Oh I'm sure they're LINING up for me... /emohairflip

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

I wouldn't joke about something so terribly untrue.

[Caterina Aurora]

[e-mail]::

"I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'm curious as to how you obtain such information. I don't suppose you enjoy stalking people, do you, Ms. Sandy? Plus, might I add, that this form of contacting people is not only impersonal, it's devious.

If that is your tendency here, then I have a problem with the release of personal information..."

[/blockquote]

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

It's a gossip blog. If you don't like it, then don't read it. :]

And might I remind you that everyone's emails are available for public viewing anyway, I've just made it easier.

[Alin Forrest]

[e-mail] says:

Ohohoho! Does the great Aurora go check out the kids' gossip blogs? I mean, I knew that was totally okay for those of us little-kid generic utterly unhappy people, but you?

Don't harass the kids whilst they do their awesome little pet projects. This is great practice for being a PI or a Reporter--and if not used to those ends, at least it's all in great fun. If you want to read, then just read and don't bring your lofty opinion in to harm some kid who is obviously very good at what s/he does. Hahah.

'Sides, I love this blog.

[sandy { s e c r e t }]

And Alin Forrest, this blog loves you.