jabberwocky. {chef mancandy}

[Flick Arden]

Mismatched oddity.

While Flick almost always preferred fiction to nonfiction, there was something to be said for taking up the latter on occasion. For one, it was far more interesting than listening to a boring lecture on it and, for another, it was far easier than going off and taking a class on something. Presently, she was reading a book they'd just gotten in about medicinal herbs and their folklore. It wasn't something she hadn't read about before, but every author wrote things differently and every author's words were interesting in some way.

There were plenty of people in the library, as there always were; sitting at tables and studying, reading in the various armchairs strewn about, looking for books, making out discreetly behind shelves, the usual. Flick enjoyed the buzz of the library around her, even if she never really participated in it. It was pleasantly familiar, and she reveled in that which she knew, even if the mere sight of someone walking toward her to check a book out made her a little ansty [though pleased to see that students were reading].

So, rather than look like a librarian should--knowledgeable and ready and willing to lend a helping hand--, Flick was curled up in her desk chair with a blanket over her knees, nose buried in the book about medicinal herbs. She wasn't even particularly close to the front of the desk, which would have made her look a little bit more approachable. Not that Flick was every particularly unapproachable, but there were times when it was obvious to people that someone didn't want to be disturbed and there was no doubt about the way she was sitting that she would have much preferred her current book to anyone who cared to come barging in.

Unfortunately, it was that time of day that everyone seemed to be ready to come to the library; that awkward time between meals and social hours that people tended to deem the time they chose to get things done, like homework and reading. So, while Flick was trying her hardest to be a good librarian, she was also trying her hardest right now to read her book. But that was highly unlikely.

[Ehryn Homemdoces]

Ehryn stalked, yes stalked, down the corridors of Somnium Academy. Breakfast had been finished an hour or two ago and few children passed through the doors of the cafeteria, leaving the chef bored. He wasn’t just a school cook, oh no, he considered himself to be a gourmet chef – though he didn’t always put enough effort into cooking due to several reasons. One of those reasons today happened to be a killer hangover, a pain that made him grumpy to say the least. Therefore, he went to the only place he could assuredly find a homegrown cure for the headache – the school library. It didn’t matter to Ryn if he was following a lost cause at the moment, he was determined to knock the dull pain out before he started the chicken cordon bleu for lunch, after all, he needed all of his faculties to cook well on such a particularly upscale dish. It wasn’t hard to prepare badly, but it took a real chef to bring all of the mild tastes together into something elegant, and Ehryn prided himself on being a real chef.


“Stop running.” His voice was gruff as he grabbed a geeky looking child by the back of his backpack, preventing him from moving an inch from where he had frozen in place due to the strength of the man’s right arm. The chef despised it when kids weren’t prideful about the way they carried themselves, running when they should obviously be sauntering in all of their masculine glory. like him. Ehryn hadn’t always been as muscle bound as he was now, he had once been one of the squirmy, slim kids like the one he was holding up. Men had to take it into their own hands to be masculine, to ooze forth testosterone.

He let the boy go and watched him slowly plod down the hallway until he reached a corner, the squeaking of his tennis shoes piercing and annoying. As soon as the kid reached the corner, he bolted again, never turning around to see who had grabbed him by his backpack’s top rung that was usually used for hanging up the contraption in classrooms. Ehryn groaned and dropped his forehead into his palm, rubbing the creased lines created by his frowning eyebrows and then pushing his hand over his smooth, bald head. Kids these days. His thoughts were a bit sentimental despite his mental statement. Though he didn’t want to identify with the students of Somnium Academy, he knew that many of them came from families with problems, broken homes, and some of them had lost their parents just as he had. Unlike the weak kids here at the school who kept looking for those lost parents, Ehryn had convinced himself that he simply didn’t care.


The metal on his black leather books clinked against the stone floors as he walked, his shoulders puffed out just a little more than natural as he kept his body straight. The man was vain; it was easy to see from the way he glaringly walked around, as if he had beef with everyone who walked in the hallways. He was also a ladies man, but that was harder to see. Unlike most of these sickos at the Academy who had a thing for the students, Ehryn liked his girls ripe – and legal. Definitely legal. A bell rang and the hallways cleared, leaving the chef to wince in pain and cover his ears with his hands.


He had reached his destination quickly and ducked into the library to avoid the harsh ringing noise. “Fuck.” He muttered under his breath as he walked in and began scanning the shelves halfheartedly, not finding what he wanted. “Where the hell did they put ‘Hangovers For Dummies?’” Ehryn said aloud, returning the burning glare he got from another man on the same aisle with a scathing glowering look.


He gave up without much effort and walked toward the librarian’s desk, his boots making scraping sounds against the carpet. When he reached the desk, he was pleasantly surprised with what he found, a petite brunette with a certain bookish look to her. Ehryn was instantly game and thought up something to say to the obviously busy librarian. He leaned against the desk, his stocky frame almost leaning over it entirely. Balancing on his forearms, he smiled slowly while his eyes took all of her in, gazing at her from head to toe appreciatively. He cleared his throat and his deep, rumbling voice following the sound with a lighthearted statement, “I’m going to have to report you to the Headmaster for not doing your job.” Ehryn grinned, his eyes intense as he waited for her to look up.

[Flick Arden]

While sometimes a good thing, Flick's innate sense of oblivion made her far more susceptible to being startled than to being pleased. Though it did make for nice reading time, it made for interruption time that was about ten million times worse on her nerves. She was fairly easily startleable anyway, but when startled out of a book, her heart tended to speed up to what she deemed an unhealthy pace. This did not stop her, however, from always being fully and completely absorbed in anything she happened to be reading--be it a novel or an essay or the morning paper--and so she was startled time and time again.

It was no surprise, then [other than the general surprise that it obviously was, since he had...you know...surprised her], that when Ehryn appeared in all of his boot clanking glory, she jumped about a foot in the air, dislodging herself from her cozied up position in her desk chair. She clutched the book tightly in her fists as a reflex, knuckles white against the edges, though that was currently the only thing that had managed to escape without being disheveled. The beret that had been on her head was now draped over her left ear, her scarf was lopsided, and her turtleneck was pulled high above her stomach to reveal her tee shirt.

Unfortunately, she hadn't really noticed that she had been wearing half of these things anyway, so she didn't notice when they were askew, either. All she noticed, as she looked up marginally, was the fact that her glasses were now much farther down her nose than they had been before. She quickly unlatched one hand from the side of her book to push her glasses back into their rightful position, looking up fully as she did so. And, when she did, she almost wished she had not, for standing in front of her was someone that she could only describe as very intimidating, even though she was not really one to be intimidated [out of sheer lack of focus, of course].

Flick probably would have been less alarmed if he had only been physically intimidating. Sure, the cue-ball biker look made her a little antsy,but it was really the eyes that got her. She sort of got the feeling that he was reading her, just like she had been reading that book. Like he could read minds. Flick, of course, did not attribute this fact to her fanciful imagination, as she probably should have, but to the fact that this man must have had hidden powers.

With that fact in mind, her look changed from frightened shock to slightly reverent nervousness and she lowered her book to her lap.

"Oh, I don't really have much of a job to do while people are here," she said, somehow remembering what it was that he had actually said amidst her mental flailures. "I don't organize all of the bookshelves until everyone's in bed. It's easier that way anyway because then no one can go through and...." She trailed off, her gaze losing its focus and emotion as it veered slightly to the left of him. She fell silent, clearly absorbed in something other than this conversation [which she may or may not have even realized was going on], though what it was was not very clear.

[Ehryn Homemdoces]

Ehryn smiled as she spoke in a cute, wordy banter and leaned over in the direction she was looking until he was the center of her attention once again. His teeth lined up in perfect succession, one right after another as he flashed his pearly whites at the quirky, but more than tap-able librarian. The little songbird in front of him was obviously nervous because of his uber masculine approach, but who wouldn’t be with such a man standing in front of them? He would quiet her qualms and perhaps help her work on that attention deficit thing she seemed to have going on. “Well now, Miss Ardent is it..?” The chef purposefully pronounced her name wrong and added a bit of a growl to her last name as he spoke it. Her nameplate on her desk most definitely stated that her name was ARDEN. Of course, he was making a sexual innuendo and of course, he was enjoying doing so – it was just one of those things Ehyrn Homemdoces enjoyed doing.

“Miss Ardent… I must say… Organizing bookshelves is no way for a woman to spend her nights.” Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Most definitely. Would he deny it if she called him out on his statement? Quite possibly. Ehryn was more of the type to play with words and claim his own innocence if anyone approached him head on. “So what say we let the bookshelves spend the night by themselves tonight and I’ll make you some dinner. What’s your favorite?” By the time he had gotten to his “ask the girl out” section of his spiel, he was leaning over the desk, his face much nearer to the petite woman than it had been. The lights of the library glinted off his twin lip rings, adding just a bit more danger to his appearance. At least he thought so. It seemed to work on some girls, but only the most innocent and sheltered ones were over come by the bad boy aspect of his character. Now that he thought about it, there weren’t many female teachers at Somnium Academy, so he hadn’t had the opportunity to enjoy himself at work like this in some time. With a well placed wink, he waited for the charm to set in and bring the lady to him in a mushy pile.

[Flick Arden]

Though she was quite easily distracted, it was also fairly easy to grab her attention, at least for a minute or so, so when this man's smile was suddenly back in her line of vision, she blinked and refocused back on him. When he pronounced her name, her gaze drifted toward the nametag on her desk, just to check if there had, in fact, been a typo. She wouldn't have been all too surprised, but she was glad that it read "Adria Arden" nonetheless [well, as glad as she could be that it didn't say Flick or Felicity]. Unfortunately, however, his blatant lack of knowledge as to how to say her name could really only lead to one conclusion, and that was not that he was making innuendo out of the word 'ardent,' obviously [though she knew perfectly well what it meant].

It could obviously only mean that this poor creature standing before her was, sadly, illiterate. With much more understanding her in her slightly unfocused eyes than before, she gave a tiny smile.

"It's Arden, actually," she said, brushing some hair out of her face. "Flick Arden, not Adria, that's my first name." It didn't occur to her that this logic might not have made sense and so she carried on. "And organizing book shelves is a wonderful way to spend the night. You never really know what else you can find on a bookshelf when you've put the books away or when you've taken them out." At this point, her gaze had drifted again, and she wasn't as much chatting to him as she was to the general vicinity. "And I'm not sure when the last time I had dinner was...I had an orange last night around eight, I believe, but it could have been earlier or it could have been later. I'm not so sure. Sometimes, my grandmother calls and insists, but other than that, I don't know."

She didn't notice his wink, as she had been babbling, but even if she had, she most likely would not have been reduced to any sort of mushy pile. She never had been before, after all, unless it was about one of the heroes in one of her books.

"You're not a student, are you?" she finally concluded, pulling her gaze back toward him with difficulty.

[Ehryn Homemdoces]

Ehryn was confused. He almost gave up for a moment and considered pretty girl of a woman in front of him a lost cause. There was something about her way of speaking to him that made him feel like that little kid at the orphanage that no one really wanted to talk to. Taking a step back from the situation he evaluated what little emotionality he had allowed to slip into the encounter. Perhaps this woman wasn’t trying to avoid him in the ways that others had, by ignoring him, or acting vapid. Maybe, just maybe, this Flick Arden was truly as socially airheaded as she acted. The man pursed his lips for a moment, the lip rings moving with the slight movement as he looked at her again. Was she attractive enough for him to keep pushing through her dingy behaviour? She certainly wasn’t his normal type of girl – no – she wasn’t skanky or desperate in the in least. While Flick could have used a rock solid formation (in the formation of a man named Ehryn, of course) to cling to and adjust her to the world outside of the books she managed, there was still something about her that intrigued him. It could have been the fact that she was the only adult female on campus who hadn’t flat out glared at him the moment he spoke to them. It also could have been the fact that with a little bit of makeup and adjusting of the clothing, she was a total babe.

Slowly, an almost predatory smile spread over the man’s lips, revealing those white teeth again. Ehryn laughed after she asked if he was a student, every trace of that insecure little boy disappearing as he did so. “Of course not, honey. I’m actually the personal masseuse they hired for the librarian. And I must apologize for the name mix up, it must have been lost in translation.” His German accent popped out as he tapped his head while saying, “lost in translation,” just enough so that Flick, if she noticed, would notice it was there. “So, ma’am, where would you like me to set up the massage table? And… Will Mr. Arden find the fact that I’m touching his wife so intimately discouraging?” He nodded toward her and gave her another appreciative one over, “Not that it would stop me, anyway.”

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[Flick Arden]

Flick found herself actually, completely focused for a few seconds as he mentioned being a masseuse. No one had informed her of this or any such arrangement and she wasn't exactly sure that she was okay with it. After all, she had never had a massage willingly before, she had hoped that, if someone were to ever decide that she needed one, they would consult her about it, first. It would have, after all, been the polite thing to do.

...Although, it was also quite possible that she had been notified, perhaps even in writing, and forgotten. Huh.

Well, either way, she was certain that she had not given her permission for any sort of naked theraputic treatment and would not stand for receiving it without immediate written notice from the administration. Signed. By the headmaster. Because this illiterate pierced fellow [had he given a name?] with the obvious superpowers sort of gave her the heebiejeebies.

"A masseuse?" she repeated, drawing her brows together behind her glasses and peering at him, almost looking lucid for that second there. "I don't remember ever hearing about one...are you sure?" Since her glasses couldn't be pushed up any farther on her nose, she quickly adjusted her sweater to give her hands something to do. At his "mister Arden" comment, she moved to straighten her beret as well, blinking owlishly at him from behind her glasses.

"Mister Arden?" she repeated, brows drawn together again. "No, no, there's no Mister Arden. Well, there was, but he's not around anymore and I'm not his wife." She shook her head, looking mildly startled. "And I don't really wish to be touched intimately, as I believe that's what you said, and no, I just don't think so. We're in the library, after all, and I just don't...Oh, my, I do believe there's a butterfly trying to get in."

Not intentionally blowing him off, she hastened out of her desk chair and around her desk, brushing past him toward the window not very far away, on which was perched a large orange butterfly.

[Ehryn Homemdoces]

“If you let it in, it’ll die. Butterflies need to be outside.” Ehryn’s voice was a little softer now as he watched Flick - a woman whose name suited her splendidly - dart about the room. He rubbed a hand over his almost hairless head and noticed that he would need to have it shaved smooth again. The stubble seemed to be growing back. The headache that had evaporated seemed to be coming back now as he watched the petite, childlike woman and tried to figure out the enigma that was Flick Arden. Was she simply touched in the head? He considered all the possibilities of brain damage due to trauma or even a pre-existing condition before denouncing the thoughts. No, she was just… peculiar. Peculiar. That was a great word for describing Somnium’s librarian.

“Calm down Miss Flick,” Ehryn said, laughter and amusement tinting his voice just slightly, “I’m not really your personal masseuse. You, my dear, seemed to be the least stressed out of all of us here at Somnium Academy. My name is Ehryn Homemdoces and I shove food in childrens’ mouths on a daily basis - I’m the chef. I suppose the reason why we’ve never met thus far is I’ve never tried to find a cure for a hangover in the library and you’ve never eaten lunch or dinner in the cafeteria.” Just about to turn and leave the library with a certain sense of failure about him, he spoke to Flick’s back once again, his voice getting a cocky edge once again. “By the way, Miss Flick - What do you look for in a man?” Ehryn wouldn’t count himself out so easily.

[Flick Arden]

As she reached the window and watched the butterfly walk lazily along the outside pane, she vaguely heard what Ehryn said. Watching the butterfly until she made sure that it did not desire the window opened. Once she was certain, she turned back to Ehryn, clearly over the whole butterfly topic, and studied him from behind her thick glasses. He wasn't, she noticed as she looked at him, particularly bad looking. And thankfully, he wasn't one of those ubermuscley football jock types. Of course, he didn't really look like a chef, more like a...body builder. Flick wasn't a fan of body builders, but she was a fan of chefs, so she supposed she could overlook that fact... for now, at least.

"Ehryn," she repeated, her line of vision drifting once again away from him as she considered all of the information he had just given her. "I like that name," she mused, brushing some hair behind her face and only succeeding in bringing more strands forward as she pulled her hand away. "And being a chef sounds lovely. I wish I could cook..." Her eyes unfocused as she continued to gaze to the left until, finally, she wandered past him in a seemingly arbitrary direction. Casually, almost as if she hadnt meant to, her fingers brushed the hem of his tee shirt sleeve. It might have been an absent request for him to follow her, the mind's attempt to get out something of what she was thinking in a somewhat coherent fashion. Though she didn't give him much time to respond since, almost instantly, she was back in front of him, flipping through a book.

"I'm sure there's a cure for a hangover here," she murmured, showing a remarkable attention span for her. And then, on a roll, she even decided to address his second question. "In a man?" she repeated, actually looking at him. Though she always looked lost in thought, she had a certain more..pensive quality about her as she pondered. "I would love a prince," she finally came up with, a dreamy smile spreading across her face as her gaze, once again, drifted away and her hands clasped in front of her.

[Ehryn Homemdoces]

Ehryn smiled as she flipped through the book, noticing just how much smaller she was than him. She was perfectly sized to be wrapped up in a hug and lifted off the floor, but enough of those thoughts. He looked down toward her without having the heart to tell her that just being around her had made his headache subside. “Is that so?” the man questioned distractedly, rather amazed that her hair was still flying in all directions even after she had tried to push it away from her face just moments ago. Had she said that she couldn’t cook? Of course, a woman who ate orange for dinner probably wasn’t a wiz in the kitchen. Perhaps he would teach her a few things in the future? Was this an opportunity for a first date? Ehryn grinned a little at the thought, he would have to be sly while asking her.

“A prince?” Ehryn was far from a prince. He had listened to a few Prince songs Gus had somehow gotten on an iPod, but preferred just his regular rock. Princes didn’t often come with lip rings and leather boots, but he supposed he might be one of those frog-who-just-needs-to-be-kissed types. “What exactly do princes have going for them? They don’t work for a living, live in their fathers’ homes, and only occasionally come to the rescue. Not very reliable in my opinion. If I were a princess, I’d be looking for a woodcutter or a blacksmith so when the money ran out we wouldn’t go hungry. But I’m definitely not a princess…” Now Ehryn began babbling, uncertain of exactly what to make of her statement and even more uncertain as to how to respond to it. He coughed, cleared his throat and rubbed the stubble on his cheek in order to distract himself. He was only a princess when he slept at night, a concept that haunted him well into the day.

“Flick Arden,” he began sternly, “Every woman, even a princess such as yourself, needs to know how to cook. We’ll begin your training at eight o’clock p.m. tomorrow, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.” Ehryn waited a bit breathlessly for her to answer in her particularly unusual and dreamy way.

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[Flick Arden]

She smiled at him encouragingly before her gaze naturally started drifting away. "Mmhmm, I believe I remember reading something about it once." Because god knew she'd never needed a hangover cure before in her life. Even had the urge to drink ever possessed her [which, aside from sips from her grandmother's drinks every now and again, it hadn't], she'd never had anyone to do it with and getting wasted alone was just sad and tragic. She vaguely wondered if this poor, illiterate fellow had been forced to do so himself, in which case, she would have been---

Ohhh, no! The poor, illiterate fellow!

She turned back to him instantly, waiting to see if, perhaps, he was having trouble reading the hangover instructions only to discover that he didn't even appear to be trying. Oh well, it wasn't as if he had specifically asked for the instructions. If he mentioned them again, though, she would forcibly take the book [ha] and read them to him.

Provided she remembered, that is, since now he was going on about princes, which took her mind to dangerous places. "Oh," she said, frowning a bit in thought. "It doesn't necessarily have to be a royal prince...Just someone noble and strong...and kind and caring...and adventurous." Her dreamy smile spread across her face as she talked, giving off the hint that she'd had this daydream many a time. Perhaps it was more than just a daydream as well.

Brought once again from her musings, she looked at him as he demanded her presence. She was a bit flattered at being called a princess and a faint blush creeped along her cheeks, but that didn't last long as she was still quite alarmed at being ordered so hastily to do something and, like any startled person, was quick to react.

"Oh, but where?" she asked, unsure of how to go about this. Perhaps the chef had been in the military. That would really be just her luck.

[Ehryn Homemdoces]

Ehryn was growing more and more amused with this little flitting creature in front of him. The woman was an enigma and unlike others in her gender, she wasn’t easy to figure out. Most often, the man could classify women into a few different categories when it came to what they were looking for in life, but Flick Arden seemed as if she would go any which way the wind blew and then fight her way back to where she had been originally without ever knowing why. She seemed more like an elemental creature than a flesh and blood woman and this enthralled the bald-headed school chef in ways he couldn’t even comprehend. Flick, in just a few moments, had mesmerized him and he wasn’t sure how to continue now. He wasn’t sure that this had ever happened. So, he figured he would continue in his normal way of blatant flirting and innuendos until he decided the proper course of action.

“You do realize Somnium Academy has a five star kitchen built into it, don’t you?” Ehryn’s eyes gleamed with pride as he thought of his bright, shiny stainless steel appliances, the freezers and the economy sized refrigerators that lined the walls. Though they left the doors to the kitchen open at night, Ehryn checked in on his precious granite countertops to make sure they were still there whenever he got in from the Goat. “It’s gorgeous… My baby. We have it fully stocked with supplies like fresh fruit and vegetables-“ Ehryn continued on babbling for a few moments about all that they had in the kitchen before he caught himself and forced himself to do something much more manly than brag about his kitchen supplies. He coughed, cleared his throat, and with slightly embarrassed eyes he spoke again. “What I meant was, we have the space to teach you how to cook here at Somnium. It’s just a little way down the hallway from here – and I expect to see you there tonight.”

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