Mamoru Haru

[mamoru]

The Roleplayer

NAME: Kenneth
GENDER: Male
AGE: 16
ROLEPLAY EXPERIENCE: going on 1 year
OTHER CHARACTERS: none
HOW YOU FOUND US: looking on proboards.com



Mamoru Haru
Always a dreamer

character basics

NICKNAMES: Mammy
AGE: 16
GROUP: Student
YEAR: year 11
BIRTHDAY: 19-6
GENDER: male

PLAY-BY: Declan Galbraith

appearance

he is tall and thin has brown hair and brown eye's with a muscular body with three dots on his neck forming a triangle he has a mixed skin color but has very smooth skin his hair is usually dark brown but in the light its looks black beside his triangle he is very plain.

personality

Mamoru is a very great guy with a very big heart but he dose have a few fears that he find very weaning like { being afraid of the dark or afraid of heights}.But besides that he thinks that he was put on earth for a purpose and he runs over his mind every day to try to figure out what it could be and besides that he like a verity of things { rose's and nature} and also likes to daydream a lot.

family & history

FATHER: Hiroshi Haru 25
MOTHER: Raina Haru 27
SIBLINGS: none
OTHER FAMILY: none

HISTORY:
he is a very strong man but he was not born like that he has been through many hard times and that is what has built him into the man he is today.Lets start with age 5 at this very young age his father left him alone in the forest on purpose to make him stronger. but it was there for about two months he tried to survive having his father watching over him in the shadows. He learned a many things but this is also where his parents meet Raina Rose was a very nice girl who found and took him in. Long story short he was put out into the real world early in his life and from that point on he has always tried to fiend for himself.

dream form

His dream form is a shadow form of him self with red eyes and wings he also had treble marks on himself where he was relieving what he was really meant to do. He thinks of himself as a very strong person that shows no emotion when he has to do anything he wants to prove to the world that he can do anything and feel nothing about it . He likes himself the way he is and isn't going to change

[Beeee.♥]

Pending

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I know you realize that this isn't what we're looking for, so I'm going to try to give you the best critique I can, section by section.

1. General: First thing is, in the overall app, your grammar and writing is not really up to par. There are far too many run on sentences and spelling errors--all it takes is a read through to catch some of the glaringly obvious ones. Please make sure to proofread. Also, might I remind you that sentences start with capital letters and contain periods and commas.
2. Your appearance is very generic and also a run on sentence. Likewise, I do not understand the dots. Please add much more depth to this. For an example of a good appearance, click here.
3. Your personality is...not a personality. It lacks in everything a personality has; traits, thoroughness, depth. For a good example of a personality, click here.
4. The history is neither thorough enough or realistic. It is highly unlikely that anyone would leave their five year old out in the woods for two months. This is a real-life RP, aside from the dream world, and we like histories to reflect that. Likewise, it needs to be far longer. For an example of a good history, click here.

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[Beeee.♥]

...
Well, it appears that you deleted yourself.